They've appeared once again...

I'm talking about the ladybugs!
And this time they are in Los Angeles. I was just back this morning from an inspirational trip to San Diego hearing Dr. Wayne Dyer speak and briefly meeting him as well. I was walking the dogs back from dropping off my rental car when I noticed something on Kenya's back. I leaned over to take it off and shrieked with delight as I noticed that it was a ladybug with NO spots what-so-ever!
But still a beautiful little bug!
She crawled around my hand and fingers for several seconds before flying off only to land- once again on Kenya! This time she made it to her tail.

I had to smile.

Wrapping up an Adventure

So, I am back in LA now. Have been for not quite 2 weeks and life is definitely different.
Not only am I changed from the experience of finally living in Europe - Germany no less, but from the event that is most recent and closer to my heart.
That is the passing of my Uncle Carl.
And the news just this past week of my good friends losing their first baby in a miscarriage! My arrival back here for my Uncle's service and my friend's miscarriage all within the same week.
It has been a time of loss and heartbreak - and transition...

I feel so hurt. I feel a lot of hurt. I feel enriched by my experiences and by the new friendships that I've started in the past few months and the old friendships that I've been able to foster. I am certainly blessed in many other ways lately as well, but I am definitely feeling pain.
The pain several months ago of losing a relationship with a person that I cared very deeply for, the pain of losing a relative who was a mentor, a friend, a spiritual advisor & a father figure. The pain of the loss of my friends' little baby before he was able to take a breath.

I am changed and changing still.

*I am feeling blessed for many things that have come through even in the pain, and eventually I will know the blessings of each of these major losses but for now I am still processing and ebbing with my emotions.

*I have not been this emotionally vulnerable and hyper-sensitive for years! I am close to shutting down it's almost too much.
I know now to just pull myself back - to withdraw a bit and take time to heal myself.

*I now am becoming very much aware of how precious time - MY TIME is. It is really sinking in and I want to make the most of the time that I have here. I've wanted to live my life to the fullest from an early age, but I realize the significance of the time that I HAVE here and I am very choosy as to how I want to spend it and with whom from here on out.

My ears have quickly adjusted back to hearing English all the time. I'm still getting used to tv again. I've hardly had it on and I've been "living" and missed all of my favorite shows until tonight.

I'm very busy still! It started as a whirlwind prep one year ago this week and I haven't stopped yet! Prepping for my trip, prepping on the film once I landed in Berlin, flying home 3 times in 9 months and now wrapping up my uncle's business.
I am quite looking forward to my ANNUAL BIRTHDAY Road Trip and the special trip with my mom. (Sigh!)
And I am looking for lots of quiet time to replenish myself spiritually and emotionally. I am also looking forward to once again focusing on my career and starting my business.

I would have NEVER thought that I would wrap up my European adventure in this way. Ten months away from home living in a foreign land I learned a great deal.
I think that this means that my blog - this particular one will come to an end at this point. Or maybe not just yet, but soon.
For now, I must take time for healing. Healing all of the hurt places in my heart. Letting myself express those emotions and living a wonderful and purposeful life from these experiences!

Until the next time.
Bis bald...
Love to you all,
L

2 months shy

Well, it's now coming up on that time. The countdown 'til the time I've spent working on this project has begun. It's now less than 2 weeks before I'm back in Los Angeles.

Of course my emotions are mixed, but I am mostly looking forward to it.
And just as it's getting absolutely gorgeous here. It's really unbelievable being in Europe in the spring. The first time I came to Europe was several years ago on a trip to London & Paris and it was early spring then - in fact this same time of year and just GORGEOUS in Paris. I completely understood the song "April in Paris" then!

I'd say that the weather is very similar to LA, but there is something crisper, fresher in the air that isn't present in LA. There's a calmness and people are much more relaxed and actually take the time to enjoy the sun! I can't tell you the number of times I've suggested to friends that we sit outside to eat on a sunny day.
I think people just take advantage of the sunshine in LA since it's there so much. They don't appreciate it but when it's not there they complain. There are already ice (Eis) shops popping open all over the place! Just this week.

So, although by the time I'm back it'll be just 2 months shy of a year that I've been here, I have already experienced all 4 seasons in the German capital.

My German is quite improved but still could use many lessons.
I have seen many of my co-workers from the film around my neighborhood (and a couple others that I've met socializing) and it's been quite odd honestly to run into people in the street. But since we spend so much time out, walking and strolling and eating and drinking at cafes, it's much easier to meet people. Even the reserved Germans. :)

All in all, it's been something else, these months living and working abroad!
I am an emotionally charged, sensitive soul walking around now.

I have experienced a lot and I need a lot of down time to recover and rejuvenate which I'm already planning right now.

I do miss my own bed and my own dwelling (not necessarily my current apt) because I've decided that I need to move to be near the water.
Since I permanently reside in California, why not live by the beach? That's the reason to be in LA isn't it? Other than film? I realized that I'm a person who needs to be surrounded by nature. It's too draining for me to be smack in the middle of the city all the time.

I kept finding myself driving up to Griffith with the dogs whenever I could just to be in "green" - in nature.
And one big thing that I've discovered about myself is how depleted I get without a constant flow of nature around me daily!

So, when I'm back, I'll have many things to take care of regarding Uncle Carl and that will be so very sad.

I'll also have some personal emotional things to work through and perhaps another conversation will need to happen in order to resolve some of THESE feelings.
Then my birthday is soon and the B-day road trip will happen!!

That will have to be a separate blog someday. All my birthday trips.

Ok, let the countdown continue. I'll have to get some springtime snapshots up before I'm Cali bound.

Hugs & Love,
-L

Loss

I am back in Berlin (last night) after an 11 day trip to Los Angeles. I went because my Uncle Carl was in ICU and a week after I got there he passed away.
I'm still in shock!
Tomorrow it will be one week since he died and I was there - in LA. That feels like it was months ago!
The days feels so long now. But I don't feel like I've accomplished as much as I could still.

This has been a very emotional and trying past 10 months! I have experienced so much since I first arrived in Germany and I have travelled more than I have in my life thus far.

It's surreal. I actually do feel like I'm floating just a bit.
I feel a little different.
It seems that time is even more important to me. I see how quickly it moves - faster for some than for others and I want to do a lot in my life!
I don't want to waste my time on silly, petty things.
I don't want to waste my time on petty, selfish and inconsiderate people.
I do want to see and do as MUCH as I can.
And write about it.
And act about it.
And live the life that I know that I've wanted for myself.

We all have SO much to give we just have to make the choice and make the time to do it!

My uncle will be missed by countless people all over the world! All of his colleagues and the students from his department at UCLA who are from many countries on the planet are missing him.
He taught me so much just by his presence and by the books that he read and the things that were important to him.

All of my friends who met him are missing him.
My mom is missing him. I am missing him.
I wish all of the happiness in the world for him where ever he is.
And with a personality like his, I don't doubt that he will receive eternal happiness.

peace, hugs & so much love,
L

Fun in the Pseudo-blizzard

Looks like I got my wish. For more snow!
It's been snowing all day today. It's still snowing as I write this at 7:45pm.
It snowed over top of the snow that was still on the ground from Sunday night so it has been a winter Wonderland all week!
In fact, I was singing "Walking in a Winter Wonderland" and "Frosty the Snowman" (both of which are relevant even after Christmas) the past few days.
And it is the perfect snow for making snowballs or for skiing if I was a skier. All I need is a sled, I have the dogs already!

It's been so much fun watching them play and leap in the snow!
I even had a snowball fight with a stranger. I've been trying to get my colleagues out of the office for an afternoon snowball fight but none of them have taken me up on it. But today a man of about 60 or so years started a little snowball fight/toss with me. That was SO much fun!

And the reason I call it a pseudo-blizzard is because there has been a wind blowing the snow - right into my face whatever direction I happen to be walking in.
Interesting.

So, I had a comment regarding a post or two. It seems that everyone is too shy to comment here, but I didn't mean to sound whiney or complaining if I did in the last couple of posts.

I actually think that I have a pretty dang good job. It's just a little tough to keep work life and personal life separated. Sometimes that's perfectly fine with me. Sometimes I really need the clear distinctions to even get anything done! Or to feel like I'm accomplishing things in either aspect.
But it's all good! Every day is a new adventure.

And even though I burned my bosses scarf today. Alles gut. Yes, you read correctly and of course it was an accident. It was hanging on the lamp when I turned it on not even looking up (the switch is on the floor) until Sebastian yelled that my scarf was on fire. Only it was Christian's scarf. oops! :(
Well, since today is a holiday called Weiberfastnacht (the Thur) before Carnival when traditionally one is supposed to cut their boss' tie and as my boss doesn't wear a tie, Gabriele & Sebastian said it was the perfect day to burn his scarf!
Oh, Germany! There's an excuse for all behaviour. You gotta love it! ;) And you gotta love that sense of humor.

So after just eating a lecker dinner of potato pancakes with soja yofu instead of sour cream and homemade apfelmus I'm full. And waiting for Marion to arrive for the weekend. She's driving through the snow to be out of Cologne for the big Carnival weekend. I've missed Oktoberfest & now I'm missing Carnival. But I burned my boss' scarf on Weiberfastnact so I will be able to say that I LIVED in Germany!

Pseudo-Beagle in the snow

The composer on the film who happens to be a friend of mine said that my dog Zoë is a "pseudo-Beagle."
I happen to disagree.
Other than her size (she is bigger than most beagles) she acts just like and looks a lot like a beagle. I would say that she's 90% beagle 10% some other scent hound.
Well, anyway, my supposed pseudo-beagle and Kenya my Aussie-mix and I just got back in from a very pleasant but short walk in the snow.
It snowed a nice light snow today, and at 8:30 pm it's actually still lightly falling.
I love the snow. It's so peaceful. Even in the city it seems to slow things down some.
It quiets things and people a bit.
And in the evening it's even nicer. I could almost even hear it falling.
I don't know if I really can hear snow falling but it certainly seemed that way.
I could have stood there longer but Kenya seemed to really want to go back.
She didn't even seem that eager to go, but they had to have a last walk for the night.

I love snow. I'm now sure that I'll eventually have to move somewhere where I get to experience all 4 seasons.
I hope that more snow falls tonight so that we have a beautiful walk in to work tomorrow.

Unintentional Party crasher

Today was another interesting day.
There's a bit more to the ongoing saga surrounding the dogs and the immature co-worker.
It actually started last night when I found out that the entire days schedule changed so I had to maneuver things with the dogs differently. And so as to not make my life that much more complicated just because one person is being a butt-head I had to have the dogs in the office for about 20 minutes.

As soon as I walked in with them, the same guy who threw a fit before made an inaudible comment. I asked him if he said something and he said no. Then he walked into the other office said something to his assistant and left. That's when I found out from his assistant that he was throwing a temper tantrum and said that he wouldn't come back to work until the dogs were gone.
I explained that I had to wait for my boss to get back before I could take the dogs and that he just needed to calm down. I even snapped at the Post-Production supervisor when she called five minutes later after he had complained to her. I was completely over it! Such childish behavior. I'm such a patient and compassionate person but I will not be verbally assaulted and bullied around because someone has serious social problems. So my temper went up very quickly!

Ok, blah, blah and fast-forward. A few short hours later I heard him yell and slam yet another door and thought, "Please, somebody has to do something about this guy!! He's got the entire office on edge now."
That's when I found out that he had been fired. So, I'm not sure who had the final word on that and when exactly it happened, but I really felt at once relief that I wouldn't have to come into a tense work environment anymore once he's gone. I don't even know when he's going to be gone but I know that my tension was high the entire day and that sucks. No adult should ever behave the way he did on a consistent basis. Slamming doors and dishes, yelling at people, kicking dogs for no reason! Just because he doesn't know how to communicate! Unglaublich! I have to admit, I feel a little bad for the guy, but I don't know how he thought he could act this way. Maybe he wanted to get fired. He is the one who instigated the situation. Who knows. Anyway, that's the first half of the day.

So, after all of that, I was looking for the relief of leaving work early for my class. BUT, I ditched my German class tonight (I felt justified in doing so) because my new friend Jennifer invited me last minute to a Berlinale party! Now, the Berlinale is the Berlin Film Festival. One of the most popular European festivals and I had wanted to do something with it since I'm HERE! It started Thursday and she told me about a party at a Producer's place. At the Ritz Carlton, she said. A residence next to it.

So we decide to meet there, I get there - Potsdamer Platz and go to the Ritz Carlton. There's a residence beside it. I go to the door and the doorman buzzes me in. I tell him I'm looking for this party and he says its in the hotel. Just go through the door.

Ok, so I go through the door and into the hotel lobby. "I thought she said it wasn't in the hotel" is what I think. But it's so gorgeous and I see all of the festival goers around I'm not worried. My mind is elsewhere. I'm happy to be invited to a party anywhere near the Ritz. So I step into the elevator and before I can even do anything, the employee in the lobby asks me which floor in German. I tell her "elf" auf Deutsch. She uses her key card to allow me up to the 11th floor. (So as to not feel that I wasted a money by blowing off class, I take a moment to be proud that I had a quick exchange in German)

Ok, I step off the lift and there's a photographer there who asks right away if he can take my photo.
"Wow, fancy party!" I'm thinking. Ok, I take a quick check in the reflection from the lift and pose for my picture.
Then I go to the entrance to the door. The woman with a nice British accent asks me which company I'm with. "So-in-so or ImGlobal. "I think it's (the other one)..." I said, thinking my first instinct wanted to say ImGlobal. But that sounded too ambitious. She asked me my name. I told her. She said, no you're with IMGlobal.
"Ok," I said. I didn't even know I'd have to give my name. So I walk in, they take my coat give me a warm towel for my hands. Offer me a glass of something to drink and I'm there. Gee, I'm feeling really special after that treatment!

I see all of these "Movie-types" from all over. A man is speaking Italian very loudly in my ear.
More folks are speaking German, English. English with English accents. I see posters for a new movie starring Keanu Reeves and Robin Wright-Penn. (Is she still Penn?)
All the while I'm looking for Jennifer. Don't see her. I don't see out other friend, Dany either.
Ok, I'm sure we'll find each other soon. I am sipping my wine then my phone rings.

It's Jenny asking me where I am.
"I'm here." I tell her.

She asks, "are you at the lift?" [where we were supposed to meet]

"No, I went inside." I told her.

She said well, you should be here. Where are you?

I told her that I'm in the Ritz Carlton on the 11th floor. At the party.
Jennifer: "NO, it's not in the hotel. I just said that so you'd know. It's a residence. On that street."

"What? I looked, I didn't see..."

We went on back and forth for about another 2 minutes then finally I said, "Ok, I'm going to come to you. I'll find it."

So, after being there for about 20 minutes, I finished my glass of wine and went to retrieve my coat. As I was waiting for the attendant to bring it, the photographer asked me if I was leaving already.
I said that I had to go to another party with some friends. He said so many parties this week.
"Yeah, so much to do in a week." I played along as if I was actually invited to more.
Then just before my coat arrived, the woman who initially let me into the party came over to me and a couple who was also leaving and handed the three of us a gift bag saying we'd like to offer you a little something.

Ha! So, my talent for crashing parties has shown itself in Berlin now!
That was the funniest thing. I was so sure that I was at the right party and acted like I belonged there even up until the moment that I left the hotel and walked across the street to the party that I was actually invited to!
So funny. So, we all had a nice laugh about that tonight when I finally arrived across the street at the house party where I was supposed to be!

Then we went back over and had a coffee for 6.50 Euro (EACH) at the Ritz after we left our party. And the ladies, (Jen, Dany and Justyna) wanted to see if "my" first party was still going on. I told them that the photog told me that would be over at 10 and it was already past 11. But we said might as well since we're here. But we couldn't get there from the lift. That floor wouldn't light up so we got off at 9, the last floor that it would take us to and Dany tried the stairwell. I unwillingly went along. I thought that the doors would be locked if we couldn't get there by elevator. But followed when she actually just walked right through.

But once there, there was no sign of the party. It was just like a scene from a film! So we went back downstairs only to be greeted with a security guard who explained that we had set off an alarm when we used the door to the 11th floor!

Amateurs! LOL! And of course I stood out in my bright yellow dress with the rust shawl and tan boots! So the guys explains it to me! Anyway, we were done at the Ritz for the night.

But I am happy to say that was a nice ending to an otherwise semi-stressful day. I was 'the unintentional party crasher!'